Best Recession Joke
July 21st, 2009
We are all taking the recession too seriously!!!
The Prize will be….. A SURPRISE…. but it will definitely make you SMILE…
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Resolving to surprise her husband, an investment banker’s wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating, “…and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!”
What is capital of Ireland?
about 4 euro fifty
Whats the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?
A pigeon can still make deposits on BMWs.
Some definitions of a recession from different viewpoints or perceptions
Banker: “Where’s me Bonus?”
Optimist: “what an amazing opportunity”
Yuppie: “Whadya mean I have to actually work?”
Unemployed Poker player: “Now I’m a professional”
Pessimist: “Nothing’s really changed except it’s just got worse!”
Fox Rock Mum: “Lidl’s the place to be seen in now!”
Cowen: “It’s not my fault that me and my party are complete fuck-ups - it’s the recession silly!”
Peter Lawless: “it’s an amazing thing, because like the rose tree needs pruning to blossom, the recession will get rid of all of the value-less bullshit, overcharging and crap that we foolishly allowed - Go recession, go - and let the truly strong survive!”
whats Irelands favorite breakfast cerial….
Credit Crunch!
An investment banker goes into a garage with his 750 BMW and asks the guy in the garage if he would have a petrol cap for his BMW?
The guy in the garage thinks about it for a while, eventually saying “fair deal… fair deal!”
Did you hear Pedigree Chum are going bust?? They have called in the Retrivers!
Thanks to the recession 30 year-old men now have a legitimate reason for living with their mothers
I loved the rte piece…youre fan flippin tastic, keep spreadin the love.. thank you…x venus
You can’t have a recession without a session!
Drink your cares away everyone! Let’s live up to our Simpson’s stereotype.
who is losing the bankers football league…
Anglo united!
you should cut ur hair or cant u afford it cos of the rescession ha ha ha
what is red green and orange travelling at 500MPH directly south?
the Irish economy>
Just to say heard you on the radio this evening, and not only did you make me smile and laugh, you’re so clued in, love it
BIG SMILE (I’ll come up with a joke later)
Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on HBOS in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan.
In the last 7 hours Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.
Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.
Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal. And has for northern wok? well thats just fucked!
Did you hear that the kylemore bakery might be closing down?
This recession really takes the cake!!
How long does it take 10 politicians to count 1000 euros.
Answer : Forever- They can’t stop fighting over it.
How long does it take 10 politicians to count 1000 euros ?
Answer : They can’t do it. It’s in their back pocket.
When can you believe a French Banker ?
Answer : Only when your standing ready in the toilet and he says- Qui.
I think my friend has swine flu… Reckon he’s tellin porkies though
What’s the difference between a banker and a bank robber?
One wears a balaclava!
My friend’s nail salon is in financial difficulty. It is filing for bankruptcy.
Waterstones bookshop has been around since 1918, and looks like it may be forced to close… if it does we have started a whole new chapter in this recession
What’s the definition of optimism?
An Investment Banker ironing five shirts on a Sunday evening
Qoute from and Investment Banker “This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.”
I have the solution:
Nationalise Diagio, and change the currency to the pint!
You owe me one
Me and a couple of friends were waiting outside the Button Factory in Templebar one night when a few beggers came over and asked us for money. One of them claimed she was pregnant and started rubbing her bump. One of my friends looks down and just casually says, “I think your in labour…I can see it’s arm” with that we all looked down and see the sleeve of the top she had shoved up her jumper hanging down. She scarpered pretty fast while we fell about laughing!
On the dole
My brother recently lost 2 jobs in a space of 4 months. He was out in Barcode nightclub and got chattin to a D4 type girl.
She says to him: “I’m in UCD, what bout u??” to which he replied, im on the dole. She hadn’t a clue what he meant and asked what he was studyin…
He says: “the post office.”
Overheard by luceylou, Barcode nightclub
I’ve heard the jobs website “Loadzajobs.ie” will shortly be renamed “The website formerly known as Loadzajobs.ie”.
Knock knock!
Who is there?
The recession!